Alternate DBZ: Frieza saga
by MistyxKisame
Summary: The second installment of the Alternate DBZ series.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the second installment of Alternate DBZ! This is the Frieza saga. Truth be told, I've only seen parts of the Frieza saga like the fighting scenes. Forgive me if it's not correct in some parts.

* * *

"Good morning mister sun!" said Goku as he smiled up at the sun shining above him. Even though he was stuck in the hospital with Krillin and Gohan, at least he had Raditz and his tummy full of babies. They had just found out Raditz was having quintuplets. Lucky him.

"Shut you buffoon!" Raditz was sitting beside him with his brother/husband and was already six months pregnant.

"I know you don't mean that because that's just the pregnancy talking!" Goku said cheerfully.

"…ANYWAYS…what are you going to do about your wife?" when Goku opened his mouth, Raditz said, "The OTHER one!"

"Oh her…" Goku sighed.

"She must be a real pain in the ass for you not to say anything back."

"Just think of what she'll do to you when she sees what happened to Gohan!" pointed out Krillin.

"HOLY SHIT! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!" Goku whined.

"Unless she's like the strongest being ever, she can't hurt you Kakarrot." Raditz rolled his eyes.

"But she has a frying pan…" Goku saw how annoyed Raditz was. "Uh…and it hurts?"

"Kakarrot it's sad how you let a woman that's probably weaker than you run you like that!"

"But!"

"There's no but in it, Kakarrot! I'm your…" Raditz sighed and grunted. "…wife…now and if anybody's gonna boss you around, it's me!"

"You…you…you do love me!" Goku smiled and tried to jump up and hug his brother, but the bandages and other materials kept him from doing so.

"Dad, you need to stay put!" said Gohan shaking his head as his father sat back in defeat.

"But I need to stay animated at all times or I'll get bored!" whined Goku.

"Listen to Gohan, Goku. The more you stay still, the faster you'll heal!" said Krillin trying to be cheerful.

"And the faster Chichi can beat me over the head with a frying pan…" Goku sighed.

"Excuse me, but you three have more visitors!" said the nurse.

"Oh no, I hope it's not Chichi!" Krillin hid under the covers.

"Hey guys!" it was Bulma and Master Roshi.

"Oh it's just you guys!" said Krillin relieved.

"Has Chichi come yet?" asked Master Roshi peeking from around the doorway. If Chichi was there, he didn't want to get in the way.

"Thankfully no!" Gohan said. "I'll suspect she'll bite dad's head off when she does."

"I'd hate to be you when she does Goku." Bulma sighed.

"I'm not afraid of that old witch!" Goku said prideful.

"Mr. Son, your wife is coming to see you in five minutes." the nurse announced.

"AAAAAAHHHHH! HIDE ME! HIDE ME!" Goku pulled on Raditz's arm.

"…" Raditz rolled his eyes.

"I'm here!" Chichi burst into the room and flung herself onto Gohan and started to cry her eyes out. "Oh my poor little boy! Who did this to you?"

"Well at least he's alive!" the Ox King said cheerfully.

'At least she can't see me!' thought Goku.

"Goku!" she then flung her arms around him.

'SHIT!' Goku screamed in his mind.

"Goku, I'm so glad you're alright! I was so worried! Are you hurt badly?"

"Get off me you nutcase!" Goku tried to shake her off, but couldn't because he was too weak to do anything at the time.

Raditz just watched in amusement while his babies seemed to like the sounds of their father struggling, because they were kicking and moving around a lot. When Chichi had stopped hugging her husband with affection, she stopped smiling and slapped him.

"HOW DARE YOU GET YOURSELF KILLED? I HAD TO LIVE ALONE AS A WIDOW WHILE OUR SON WAS TAKING BY SOME GREEN VILLIAN!" as Chichi continued to bitch, Goku had enough and blurted out,

"I KNOCKED UP AND MARRIED MY BROTHER!"

Everyone got silent.

"Huh?" said Master Roshi.

"…" Raditz blushed as everyone looked at him.

"You…you married him?" Chichi stared at Raditz. "…and you said you got him pregnant…"

"…" Raditz looked at Goku.

"Well yes. Yes I did." Goku said calmly.

"Why would you do that?! I'm your wife! You're married to me, not HIM!" Chichi was angry (duh). "If you're gonna cheat on me and marry someone else, especially a man, at least marry someone that has manageable hair and doesn't look like a goddamned cartoon character!"

"Fuck you!" was Raditz only comment.

"Who are you gonna pick? Me or him?" Chichi put her hands on her hips.

"Anybody, BUT you!"

"I cannot believe this!" Chichi looked as if she would catch on fire at any moment. "My own husband picks someone he barely knows over his own wife! You know what Goku? I don't even care! You can STAY married to that…that…PIG WITH HAIR…all you like! I can catch a man faster than you caught him! Just look at how fast I got you!"

"Actually you made me keep a promise I didn't even know it was about. And to add on to the list, if I can recall, I only knew you for, what? 15 minutes? Then years later, we meet again and I didn't even know you!"

"…" Chichi crossed her arms and sat down next to Gohan. "Well at least my son still loves me."

"Uh…anyways…" said Bulma wanting the awkwardness to pass over. "So how are we going to wish back the others with Piccolo gone?"

"Oh yeah!" said Krillin slapping his forehead. "We can wish them back with the Namekian balls!"

"Great! So where are they?"

"On Kami's old home planet…Namek."

"Wait. In space?" said Bulma stupidly.

"No Bulma…in New York…DUH YOU ANNOYING BITCH!" Goku rolled his eyes.

"Goku! It's good to see you again!"

"Who was that?"

"It is I! Mr. Popo!"

Sure enough it was the loveable genie Mr. Popo (not the ugly blue one)!

"Hey Mr. Popo!" greeted Goku.

"I just wanted to drop by and make sure you were ok."

"Yeah, I'm totally fi-hey wait a second…how are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"FLOATING OUTSIDE!" Goku thought for a second. "ARE YOU FLYING?!"

"Uh…no…I'm on my magic carpet." Mr. Popo flew up a little to show his carpet.

"OH MY FLIPPIN' GOSH! I wanna ride! I wanna ride!"

"Goku you need to heal first." aid Mr. Popo.

"Fine…" Goku pouted.

"I just thought of something!" Bulma said out of the blue as the TV showed a live video footage of a saiyan ship (most likely Raditz's).

"What?" asked Krillin.

"I've got the remote to one of the crashed saiyan ships!" Bulma pulled it out.

"Wow how did you get that?" Gohan asked.

"Easy! I used Raditz's scouter to connect the…"

"Who cares!? Just push the damn button!" Goku yelled.

"Fine! Geez!" Bulma pressed it.

"And so we figured that any sudden interruption of the wireless commutation of…" suddenly the spaceship exploded sending thousands of tiny objects everywhere. The screen then proceeded to show a cheesy commercial about cheese (no pun intended).

"EPIC FAIL!" said Master Roshi.

"Oh shut it Roshi!" snapped Bulma. "Do you know how long I worked on that thing?"

"Five minutes for it to fail like that." said Krillin.

"Oh shut up you! Now how are we getting to Namek?"

"You could always take Kami's old ship." suggested Mr. Popo.

"Really? You'd let us borrow it?" said Bulma excited.

"Sure, but I'm afraid it's located on the other side of the planet and needs a bit of fixing up."

"No problem with me!" said Bulma. "So how are we getting there?"

"Easy…on my magic carpet of course!"

"Uh…" Bulma looked nervously at Mr. Popo's magic carpet. "Isn't there another way?"

"I suppose we could take an aircar, but a magic carpet would faster."

"Uh…uh…" Bulma was shaking.

"Just go with Mr. Popo, you whore!" Goku said annoyed.

"Um…but doesn't anyone else wanna go?"

"Nope!" said everyone.

"Fine…I-I guess I'll go…Mr. Popo…if I fall, will you catch me?"

"Sure I will Bulma. You won't have to worry about falling though. The ride will be over in seconds."

"O-ok!" Bulma nervously stepped onto the carpet and off they went.

"I hope to god she falls." said Goku.

* * *

Sorry if this chapter isn't as funny as you thought it would be, but it gets better!


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks later, Bulma had the ship fixed up and working, with her dad's help of course. Krillin and Gohan, who were just released from the hospital, were going with Bulma to Namek for the dragon balls. Goku had insisted Raditz to go with them to make sure Bulma didn't make any stupid wishes, like wish up world peace or no more world hunger. Raditz had agreed to go, as long as Goku agreed that he would stay in the hospital. Goku agreed because he had no energy to try again and because he saw on TV that pregnant women shouldn't worry too much or the birth would be difficult.

The four arrived at the Kame House with the spaceship. Bulma had been generous enough to buy some baby stuff because she loved babies…and Goku had threatened to tell Master Roshi she was dating other men.

"Are we all set to go?" asked Bulma.

"Not yet. Gohan isn't here." said Krillin.

"Are you holding up okay?" Bulma asked Raditz because she loved babies and wanted to be the godmother.

"Hm? Oh ya. Fan-fuckin'-tastic." Raditz sighed.

"Well according to my data, you're going to have a baby in three months, right?"

"Uh…yeah." Raditz was then covered with pales of baby shoes, clothes, shirts, and other cute baby stuff. "What the hell!? Why the hell did you just do that?!"

"Well it'll take all this stuff for your baby!" Bulma picked up a cute little baby girl top that said, "Daddy's little girl". "I mean, look at how cute this is! Oh my gosh, you're so lucky! I wish I could have a baby! I hope you have a little baby girl! If you do, can you name it Pan?" (1)

"Why?" Raditz pushed off the baby stuff.

"I don't know…I've always liked the name…"

"I hope it's not a girl." Krillin shuddered. "I'd hate to think what Goku would do if he found out you were pregnant with a girl."

"Shit!" the baby had just kicked Raditz extremely hard. The others followed suite.

"Oh my gosh!" Bulma put his hand on Raditz's back. "Are you okay?"

"FUCK!" Raditz threw up.

Bulma put her hands on the pregnant saiyan's stomach. Suddenly her hand was broken. Bulma stared in horror at her friend's wife's stomach.

"It's like those babies are on steroids!" Bulma cried.

"Look! It's Gohan and Chichi!" said Krillin. Sure enough, it was Chichi and Gohan in an aircraft.

"Hi Krillin! Hey Bulma!" Chichi's eyes then glared at Raditz. "Hello…Raditz…"

"Whatever."

"Come on Gohan!" Chichi then stepped aside to reveal Gohan without his long sexy hair but a bowl haircut that didn't look good on him.

"Oh goodness…" Bulma covered up his mouth, Krillin stared, and Raditz threw up.

"What?" Chichi put her hands on her hips. "You think it's bad? Well it least he isn't changing his hair every few days or weeks or episodes…plus at he HAS hair! And manageable hair style."

"Why you little bitch!" Raditz punched Chichi in the face.

"Mom!" Gohan gasped then shrugged it off. "Oh well…I never really liked her anyways."

"Can we just go now?" Raditz patted his stomach. "I think that bitch of a harpy hurt my baby with her screeching."

"Oh poor babies!" Bulma pressed her unbroken hand against Raditz's tummy.

"Can we leave before she wa-Master Roshi, what are you doing?" Krillin stared at Master Roshi who was touching on Chi-Chi's chi chis (LOL I made a funny).

"Uh…nothing…"

"Well we're off." Bulma said rolling her eyes.

~1 hour into space~

"Wow!" Gohan was looking out of the spaceships' window. "Space is SO big!"

"No duh!" Raditz said irritated. The pregnancy hormones were driving him crazy and he wanted the pregnancy to be over with.

"Would you like me to rub your tummy?" Bulma asked sweetly.

"Why are you being so nice?" Raditz took a step back from the baby crazed woman.

"Well I wanna make sure that you have an easy birthing session. You'll need to be put on a special diet, drink lots of milk, and…" Bulma pulled out some scissors. "Cut that long hair of yours!"

"I don't fuckin' think so!"

"Oh come on!" Bulma sighed. "Don't think you could trip over that mess? I mean, come on! It's worser than Yamcha's hair!"

'You had better be glad that you're flying this shitty ship or else I'd kill your ass!' Raditz thought as he rubbed his belly.

"Um uncle Raditz…" Raditz looked down to see his nephew.

"What?"

"Can I see your tummy?" Gohan asked innocently.

"Um…sure…" Raditz lifted up his shirt to reveal his huge baby bump.

"Man you're big!" Krillin stared along with Gohan.

"If you were having four babies, you'd be as big as me." Raditz jumped in surprise when Gohan pressed his ear to his uncle's stomach.

"Wow I can hear the baby!"

"Really? Let me hear!" Krillin and Bulma put their ears to Raditz baby bump.

"This…is…weird…" Raditz then fell asleep.

~On Namek~

"Man this planet is lame." said Raditz looking around.

"But it's a quiet setting. I have to come here when I get pregnant!" Bulma said looking around also.

"IF you get pregnant, you mean." smirked Krillin.

"Why you bald loser!" before Bulma could slap the shine off of Krillin's scalp, they saw a spaceship fly by.

"What the heck was that?" said Gohan.

"It looked like a spaceship…" said Krillin.

"I think they want the Namekian balls." said Raditz.

"But how could they have…" Bulma said scratching her head.

"Maybe they figured there would be some here." said Gohan.

"Then we'd better find them fast." Bulma thought for a minute. "Wait a second! I have an idea! Krillin and Gohan, I need you two to go and find the dragon balls while Raditz and I set up the babies' room!"

"Fuck you. I'm not staying with you! As weak as Baldy is, he'll get killed within a few days or months!"

"But if you die the babies will die!"

"…" Raditz sat down the ground.

"Alright then! It's settled." Bulma said full of pride. "Gohan here. You take the dragon ball locator."

"Hey, why does he get the dragon ball locator?" asked Krillin.

"Because Gohan doesn't die until the Buu saga!" said Bulma breaking the fourth wall.

"What?" everyone said at the same time.

"Nothing." Bulma pulled out a capsule and tossed it into the cave. "Come on Raditz! Let's go set up for the birthing process!" Bulma then skipped into the cave singing the Barbie theme song.

Raditz sighed and followed Bulma into the cave.

* * *

(1) Yes the same Pan from GT. If you like Pan from GT don't read because there is alot of Pan bashing.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you think of this color?" Bulma was holding up a two pages of color. "Fuchsia fun time green or hot pinky red?"

"Really? Fuchsia fun time green or hot pinky red? What in the hell kind of name is Fuchsia fun time green and hot pinky red? Why don't you just say fuchsia green and hot pink mixed with red? Is it that hard to say?" Raditz sighed. "Besides, you don't even know if it's a boy or girl!"

"Well you never know!" Bulma said turning the pages in the wallpaper book. "I'd say that there are 2 out of five chances you'll have a girl and the rest boys. The chances are higher when you're giving birth to quintuplets. Ok, now I've got the perfect color for you! Slime lime green and nurple purple!"

"How about black and blue bitch?" Raditz said annoyed.

"Um…I don't see it in here…oh wait, here it is!" Bulma showed it to Raditz. "Why would you want this color anyways?"

"Because in a minute, it's gonna match your face!"

"Hahaha!" Bulma laughed stupidly. "You're so funny!"

'I wonder if she has any friends…" (1) Raditz thought as he lay down on the bed.

"Poor guy! The pregnancy is making him cry!" Bulma thought out loud.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Raditz glared at Bulma.

"Oosps!" Bulma giggled. "I thought you were crying! Teeheehee!"

'Oh fuck!' Raditz realized in horror. 'I'm stuck here with a damn teenage valley girl!'

~1 hour later~

"I'm back!" said Krillin.

"Oh hey Krillin!" Bulma frowned. "Where's Gohan?"

"Uh…" Krillin rubbed the back of his scalp. "Oh yeah! The elder Namek is touching Gohan."

"Oh, okay!" she then went back to picking out new wall paper.

"What the fuck Krillin!" Raditz slapped the back of Bulma's head.

"Ow! Why didn't you hit Krillin? You're supposed to hit him not me!"

"BECAUSE YOU LET IT SLID YOU SLUT!" Raditz then glared at Krillin. "Go get Gohan or I'll blast you into next week!"

"OK!" Krillin flew off.

"As for you…" Raditz picked up Bulma by the back of her shirt and flew to the top of a large mountain. "…Find your way back on your own." Then the pregnant saiyan flew off.

'Hahaha! Raditz is just messing around! He'll come back for me…' Raditz was now a tiny speck. 'Yep…he's coming back…yep…anytime now…'

~Night time two days later~

"Yep. Anytime now…anytime now…yep…"

"IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT COMING BACK FOR YOU!" shouted a frog.

"Oh my gosh!" Bulma said slapping her hands on both sides of her face. "You can talk!"

"Oh my god." The frog sighed.

"I'd better get back to Raditz. He's probably hungry." Bulma looked around. "Now how do I get down?"

After looking around, Bulma could not find anything to climb down with even though there was some stairs she could walk down. There was also a flying pony, a helicopter, jetpack, and so many other things, that it makes you wonder how she missed it.

~Meanwhile~

"I wonder how that annoying woman is doing...not that I care…" Raditz closed his eyes and laid down. Suddenly something was tickling his nose. When he woke up from the tickling of his nose, he saw Gohan's eyes looking into his. "Gohan…what…the…hell…"

"Hey Uncle Raditz! I want you to meet someone!" Gohan said cheerfully.

Raditz sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Who?"

"Come outside!"

Raditz followed Gohan outside and saw Dende. "…You brought me…a little green giant…how amusing…"

"No that's a Namekian!" said Krillin. "His name is Dende!"

"Dende…" Raditz said slowly. "Okay…whatever…"

"And look! We brought you a dragon ball!" Gohan pulled out a six star ball.

"Where's Bulma?" asked Krillin.

"Just like you, she's been gone for three days." Raditz sighed once more.

"Three days? Do you think one of Frieza's men got her?" said Gohan.

"Who cares?" said Raditz obviously not caring.

"But what if she gets raped?" Krillin asked scared for his friend (yeah right).

"Like I said before, who cares? They probably would just throw her back like a little fish." Raditz said bored.

"Well we'd better go find her." Gohan said.

"I'm coming with you." Raditz said getting up.

"Are sure about that?" Dende asked.

"What do you mean by that?" Raditz asked questioning the small Namekian.

"I mean come on!" Dende stared at Raditz's stomach. "Look at that monster! It's bigger than the Elder Namek's stomach! I bet you can live in that fucker!"

"You'd better be glad being pregnant takes the energy out of me and if I blast you now it'll just feel like a water pistol hitting you." Raditz frowned. 'Damn you mom for making my body this way!' (2)

(1) Does Bulma has any friends outside of the people we see her with in DB and DBZ?

(2) On their mother's side of the family, when the men or women are pregnant, their energy blasts are weaker except during labor.


	4. Chapter 4

Welcome to the second chapter of the Frieza saga. Before we start I just want to say thanks to Ryo-chan wolfgirl for correcting me that quintuplets are five babies instead of four. I've always knew the word for "four babies born at one time" started with a "qu" but I just couldn't think of the word, but now I know that the word is quadruplets. I shall go back and correct myself…or I may not…it depends if I can fit in typing my other fanfics. Oh well. You know what, I can still make what I wrote work…

Warning: Some stuff may not be right in some ways, but I'm trying.

* * *

"Where are going to look now?" asked Gohan.

"Uh…did we look over there?" Krillin pointed to a spot.

"How should I know how?" Raditz said annoyed at seeing the same thing over and over again. "We've been passing by the same scenery for, like, four hours! We're probably lost!"

"Hey look at that village down there!" Krillin, Gohan, and Raditz landed on a small hill thingy.

"Is that Frieza?" asked Gohan.

"Yep…that's that Frieza." Raditz said glaring at him.

"Which one?" asked Krillin.

"The horny one?" Krillin then smirked.

"Shut up." Raditz slapped the back of Krillin's head.

"Who are those two?" asked Gohan pointing at the two other men.

"Huh?" Krillin stared at Zarbon. "Oh…my...god…she is so…HOT!"

"That's a man…" said Raditz questioning Krillin sexuality.

"Well I can't help that he looks like a man!" Krillin said defending himself.

"I'm pretty sure everyone has made that mistake, haven't they Uncle Raditz?" said Gohan trying to spare Krillin of embarrassment.

"Not that I know of."

Suddenly, an explosion of mass proportion caused them to stop agreeing and look down at the small Namekian village. At least four people were dead in that bloody mess.

"Oh my gosh! Did you guys just see that?" said Captain Obvious.

"Yes Captain Obvious!" Raditz said throwing up on a Namekian. "Oh…I feel awful…for myself I mean…"

"We should do something!" said Gohan.

"And get killed? No thanks!"

"Krillin!" said Raditz sternly. "I thought YOU were supposed to be the good guy!"

"Well sorry if I don't feel like dying right now!" snapped Krillin. "Besides, we can wish them back with the dragon balls!"

"Frieza has about three dragon balls right now Krillin. Somebody is gonna die before this chapter is over with." Raditz sighed. The smell of the burning flesh of the dead Namekians was making him hungry. If he was EXTREMELY hungry, he would attempt suicide and retrieve five or six of those dead Nameks.

"Uh…where's Gohan?" everyone looked around for Gohan. They both spied him rescuing what looked like Dende.

"When did Dende get down there?" asked Raditz.

"You know what? I don't even know, but we'd better go after Gohan!"

Raditz and Krillin then flew after Gohan. Once they had gotten as far as they could go they landed in a cave.

"Are you okay Dende?" Gohan looked over Dende with concern.

"Ugh! Don't touch me!" Dende slapped Gohan. "And put me the hell down! I don't need this shit! Fuck the hell off!"

'That kid has some mouth!' Raditz watched impressed.

'I wonder where he learned all of that from.' Krillin thought for a second.

'Oh my gosh! He's almost as hot as Piccolo! I wonder how sexy he'll be when he gets older…' Gohan was still holding Dende.

'Why won't this loser put me down?!' Dende sighed.

"Finally!" Bulma had just walked into their cave looking like a Raggedy Anne doll that was actually raggedy…and stuff… "I made it back!"

"Shit." mumbled both Raditz and Dende.

"Hey Bulma! Where were you?" asked Gohan who was eating some cake along with the others.

"Oh…here and there…so did you guys find a dragon ball?"

"Oh we found some alright." Krillin sighed. "We only retrieved the six star ball. Frieza has two…"

"Frieza?" Bulma looked confused (like always).

"Basically the strongest guy on the planet that could destroy us all in two seconds flat." Raditz said rubbing his belly.

"Jackass had better be glad that I was held against my will or else I would have smoked his fruity ass…" mumbled Dende.

"Can I ask you something Uncle?" said Gohan ignoring Dende's rant.

"What?" Raditz said boredly.

"Earlier you said that you were pregnant with quintuplets yet you said that you have four babies in your stomach…how is that possible?"

"I lost one…"

"Oh my gosh, how?" Bulma said teary eyed.

"One of the fetuses accidently strangled it with one of the umbilical cords. I still have to deliver the dead so that'll be fun." Raditz sighed and closed his eyes.

"Aren't you sad?" asked Krillin.

"No." said Dende.

Everyone stared at Dende.

"Shut up Dende." said Raditz boredly.

"I once cooked the neighbor's kid while he was still in an egg…"

"Like I was saying before Dende spoke…"

"Whatever jackass."

"I don't really feel sad because we can just wish it alive again…"

"He does have a point." said Bulma.

**_Three months later_**

"Well here we are three months later and with only two balls to show for it." Krillin then laughed at his perverted joke, which Bulma slapped him again for.

"How are you holding up Uncle Raditz?" asked Gohan.

"I feel like utter shit!" Raditz then coughed up Dende.

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! FIRST I SEE MY BROTHER AND FATHER GET KILLED AND THEN A FAT PREGNANT MAN EATS ME, DOESN'T SWALLOW, AND THEN COUGHS ME UP! I HOPE THE WORMS EAT YOU QUICKLY WHILE YOU SLEEP!" Dende bitched.

*sighs*'He looks just like Piccolo when he yells…'

'I haven't seen a woman in months…' Krillin stared at Gohan's ass. 'Oh FUCK no!' he looked at Bulma. 'No unless I want aids…' he then looked Raditz. '…hm…only if he's asleep…or on his back…'

When the five travelers got to another cave, Raditz wasn't feeling so good. Bulma pushed a hand to his forehead.

"Oh my god! You're burning up!" Bulma went to the capsule house. "I'll make you soup!"

"I'm ditching you bitches and going to see the Elder Namek." said Dende.

"You're leaving us?"

"No I'm going and taking you morons with me…HELL YA I'M LEAVING YOU IDIOTS!" Dende flew off.

"Nice kid." Raditz smirked.

"I'm hungry…" said Krillin. "I wonder when that soup will be done."

"I'm going to go look for the dragon balls while Bulma's cooking." said Gohan grabbing the dragon ball locator.

"See ya later." Krillin said closing his eyes and going to sleep.

* * *

Gohan had soon found a 3-star dragon ball not too long afterwards and was on his way back. Little did he know that Vegeta was on his way to find another dragon ball. Maybe this was because he was singing "Baby got back". Only when he got close to the almost end, did he sense Vegeta's energy.

'Oh no! I'd better hid until he leaves…" Gohan cleverly hid on the ground, but not before throwing the ball as far as he could, which was really far, and did not try flying away, because that would make him almost as stupid as Goku.

"Man, I am SO bored!" said Vegeta talking to himself like a nut. "I wonder if father will ever be proud of me…probably not because I just got my tail kicked by a damn midget, a little kid, an idiot, and a fat ass…"

Vegeta stopped flying. 'Huh? What's that? I feel…like someone's…watching me…'

Vegeta looked down at Gohan, but at the same time couldn't see him. This made the moment even more awkward then necessary when Gohan jumped out and shouted, "I'm not here, so go away!", and ran off instead of flying off like he should have.

"I'm going to pretend I just didn't see that…" Vegeta then decided it was time to take a much needed nap.

'Phew that was close!' Gohan sat down after twenty minutes of hard core running. 'I wonder why he didn't follow me…' Gohan took out the dragon ball locator. On the screen it showed that there were at least four dragon balls close by. Three were grouped together, while one was all by itself. 'I'll bet that the rest are by themselves…I'd better get moving if I wanna get them all.'

Gohan got up and flew off as fast as he could. Upon reaching the point, Gohan discovered they were underwater and dived in and grabbed them all (but not all at once). After retrieving them, he buried them in a safe place…right next to a Namekian village that was already half destroyed, so nobody would come back to it anytime soon. Gohan brought one with him to save time so he could get the other balls later.

* * *

"Hey Gohan!" Bulma was eating soup along with Raditz and Krillin. "You got another dragon ball?"

"More than one!" Gohan then explained that he found three of them in the ocean.

"What were they all doing hiding in the ocean?" asked Krillin.

"They're probably Vegeta's!" said Gohan sitting the dragon ball down.

"You mean that short, repulsive looking guy?" Bulma said looking grossed out.

"He isn't that ugly…" everyone stared at Krillin.

* * *

'Man! That was a nice nap!' Vegeta stretched out. He had been sleeping almost four hours. 'I'd better count the dragon balls to make sure I know how many I have…'

When he had gotten underwater, he would have gasped in horror if he wasn't underwater already. The dragon balls were gone! Vegeta tried to figure out where they were. What fool had the balls to steal his balls? Then, he got it once he had gotten out of the water

"It must have been Kakarrot's brat!" Vegeta growled out loud making a very small frog from the last chapter look at the prince all funny like. Vegeta glared at it. "WHAT ARE YOU SMILIN' AT?!"

"I'm…uh…just gonna go now…" the little frog then hopped off while the prince took off flying.

Poor Krillin just happened to be flying straight towards the exact same direction Vegeta was blindly heading. Then…BAM! Krillin had run into Vegeta.

* * *

What will happen next? Tune in next time! BTW the way, dead fetuses are sad. And so are stupid mothers who have abortions. Why can't they just give the baby up for adoption?


	5. Chapter 5

"Vegeta!" said Krillin blushing. "Wha- what are you doing here?" Krillin wasn't so sure if he was just dreaming or what he was seeing was real. Either way, he didn't know what to say to the angry looking prince. Maybe he was looking for the dragon balls on Namek too.

"I should ask you the same thing!" snapped Vegeta.

"Well I'd better go…" Krillin was then grabbed by the back of his gi by the prince.

"You're not going anywhere!"

"Wha-wha-what are you going to do to me?" Krillin whimpered as Vegeta put on his rape face.

"Oh…you'll see…" Vegeta then laughed evilly as he flew off with Krillin.

* * *

"I wonder where that bald guy is." Raditz said as Gohan and he were watching TV with Bulma.

"You mean Krillin?" asked Bulma.

"Yeah…whatever floats your boat lady." Raditz rolled his eyes. "I'd better go get him…"

"But you're pregnant!" protested Bulma.

"So?" Raditz got up. "My mother fought when she was pregnant with my brother and he's still alive!"

"Yes but…!"

"I'll go with him Bulma." said Gohan as he put on his shoes.

"Fine. You two can go, but be sure to look after him. He's really fragile."

'She acts as if I'm a baby.' Raditz thought as they flew off.

"Can you sense Krillin's energy?" asked Gohan after three hours.

"No…" Raditz yawned. Since he was pregnant with more than one baby, he was more tired than a woman who was pregnant with one baby.

"Are you tired?" Gohan asked. Raditz shrugged. "I am too. I wonder if he's ok…"

* * *

"So…" Krillin said not looking at Vegeta. "…you work here?"

"If it was bad, tell me." Vegeta said glaring at Krillin.

Krillin wasn't really sure what to say. He met Vegeta's eyes. "I have aids."

"…" Vegeta just stared at Krillin, obviously not understanding. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing…" Krillin turned back around and continued to put on his boots.

"Listen Dorky…" Vegeta had put a hand on Krillin's shoulder.

"It's Krillin."

"Really? Huh…and all this time I thought it was Dorky…" Vegeta shook it off. "Anyways, like I was saying…it's about you and I…"

'Oh shit…he wants to be in a relationship! What do I say? I can't say no…he'll kill me! That and…I kind of do like him back…' "What about us?"

'He wants the dick!' "I need to know if you want to be serious like Raditz and Kakarrot…"

'Their relationship is serious?' "Can I think about it?"

"…" Vegeta waited about 30 seconds, until he said, "Now?"

"I mean like an hour or something." Krillin said nervously.

"Fine." Vegeta let go of his arm. "You know where to find me."

Krillin sighed as he left Frieza's ship. It was going to be hard deciding. Could he do the bad thing and marry a villain like Goku did with Raditz? Or should he do the good thing and say no? Vegeta was probably the only person who liked him in that way and he felt the same way! Krillin sighed. He didn't know what to do. Like they always say… "Love makes you do crazy shit that you'll regret later." Krillin needed to talk to someone who knew how he was feeling. He headed towards the ship that Gohan, Bulma, Raditz, and himself had arrived in. Once he had gotten inside, he dialed the hospital phone.

* * *

"Nurse!" Goku called out. "NURSE!"

"WHAT?!" the nurse shouted, her hair obviously in a mess, you like when you just get out of bed and then stick your head out of the window…plus you're on crack and haven't bathed in weeks.

"I…WANT…COOKIES!" Goku said in a hyper way.

"Fine…" she turned to leave.

"And nurse…" the nurse turned around very slowly.

"What?"

"There's a big chunk of shit in the toilet and I need you to clean it." Goku said happily.

'One day Son…one fuckin' day…' the nurse slowly left the room.

"Man…I LOVE being in the hospital! It's way better than being stuck with that bitch Bulma…and some other person who may or may not be important to any plot…" Goku stopped talking when the door opened and a hooker walked in. "Bulma?"

"No, it's me! Chichi!" Chichi glared at Goku.

"Why do you like a hooker that's on crack?" Goku asked turning away his nose. She had stunk of crack, sweaty men, an alley cat, and a wet dog that was trying to rape a horse.

"I'm not a hooker you fucker!" Chichi frowned. "I'll have you that I'm a striper." she then smirked. "Does that make you jealous? All those sexy men watching me stripe…"

"Are they blind?" Goku rolled his eyes. "I mean look at you! You're wearing a shirt that looks like a bra, net stocking, and high heels! You can't just walk in here and expect me to think you're a stripper! I mean just look at you!"

Chichi slapped her husband (technically he never divorced her) as hard as she could. "How dare you say that! You're just jealous that I'm sexy enough for other men and you want me back!"

Goku looked at Chichi with a look that made him seem as if he DID want her back, but when he burst out laughing. He didn't want her back for all of the food, male babies, and whatever the hell else he wanted, in the world! Goku was about to tell her this when the hospital phone rang. Goku wondered who would call him. Goku picked up the phone.

"What the fuck do you want?" Goku yelled into the phone.

"Geez! You don't have to yell Goku!" yelled Krillin.

"What is it now baldy!?"

"I was wondering about your relationship with Raditz…." Goku was silent for a minute, but then told him to continue. "How did you feel when you met him?"

"Ok, I guess…" Goku said sounding suspicious.

"Did you ever think about how it would affect everyone else around you?"

"No…"

It was silent for a few more minutes. Krillin wanted for Goku to say something. "Goku…are you still there?"

"Krillin…" Goku said seriously. "What are you trying to say?"

"I mean that you had to think over a lot about marrying your own brother and he had no say in it. You practicality raped him. You've only known him, for what, one year? It seems kind of inappropriate to me…"

"Oh…I see…YOU just want Raditz for yourself!" Goku accused.

"What no! I-"

"No way Krillin! You're not getting my pregnant wife no matter what! She's going to stay loyal to me because she loves and respects me! Oh sure she hates it when I call her Sonic, but so what? She's sweet and loves me! She even tried to depose of my annoying son! Get your own wife and lover and baby mama because I swear to god…if she gives birth and you so much as touch her, I'm gonna rips off your genitals! She'd better not be pregnant when she gets back, because then I will know you raped her!" Goku hung up the phone and turned back to Chichi. She was as red as a tomato. "What?"

"You've never said anything that nice to me before!" she accused.

"And how on Earth is that MY fault, huh?" Goku glared at Chichi. "I don't remember YOU saying anything nice to me!"

"I do but you never listen!" Chichi half lied. The truth was that Goku had never done anything to impress her and when he did, she always half-heartedly told him did a good job. The only time she did a honest and whole hearted compliment was when their son Gohan was born.

**_Flash back_**

**"Isn't he cute?" Chichi cooed at her new born baby boy. **

**"He sure is!" complimented the Ox King. "I can tell he's gonna be a smart one!"**

**"He sure is!" agreed Chichi. "He's going to be the new Einstein! Hey! Why don't we name him that?"**

**"Einstein?" Goku had just come into the room from training. "What's that?"**

**"The name of our new baby!" Chichi held Gohan up for him to see. "Isn't he just perfect?"**

**"We'd he come from?" Goku looked suspiciously at the little baby. "Where ever he came from, put him back! He's the ugliest thing I've ever seen! He probably came from the trash…or animal feces…"**

**"He came from us, you jerk!" Chichi was about to whip out her trusty frying pan when the Ox King stopped her. **

**"Uh Chichi I don't think it's a good thing to pull that out with the baby around!" he warned her.**

**"Oh ok…" Chichi sighed and did her best to behave around her new pride and joy. "Would you like to hold him, honey?"**

**Goku looked around and then looked at Chichi. "Are you talking to me?" she nodded and handed Goku their son. Goku held the little boy for a while and after a few minutes he spoke. "He isn't gonna eat all of the food…is he?"**

**"No Goku…" Chichi sighed once more. "That's your job." she then started to speak politely. "Isn't he adorable? He looks just like you!" (The compliment)**

**"Really?" Goku said interested. Chichi nodded. 'Am I THIS ugly?'**

**_End flash back_**

"You know what Chichi? I don't even care!" Goku smirked. "Raditz is giving me more children than you ever could!" Just as Goku expected, Chichi asked how many they were expecting. "Quintuplets!" Chichi got a look of horror in her eyes, but only turned pale in the face.

"I think I should leave now…"

"Yes…I think you should…"

* * *

Raditz wasn't doing so well. His stomach was on fire, but he couldn't do anything about it now. Hopefully, they could make their wishes, get on the ship, and go on with the rest of their lives. Raditz wondered what would happen after his children were born. Could he just leave his kids behind with a lunatic? No, even though his kids were created from incest and he didn't really ask for them yet, they were a part of him and he loved them. He even talked to them a little when he was alone and made sure he wasn't too stressed because he had read somewhere that when the mother was happy, the baby was too. Secretly, he was happy that Bulma was always around for some odd reason he could not explain. Hopefully, the feeling wasn't love because if it was, she would want more children. It wasn't the reason that Raditz didn't want more kids, it was because he felt weird when a woman tried to seduce him. Bulma had grown a bit too clingy and love-struck over the past few months, and once she even said, "Men with really long hair turn me the hell on…", when she had accidently drunk wine. Another time was when she was checking the heartbeat of each baby, when he had felt something wet touch his stomach. It was relaxing at first, so he didn't question it and closed his eyes. It wasn't but two minutes later when it traveled all the way up to his cheek when he opened his eyes and saw Bulma's big blue eyes staring at him. He then, of course, slapped her and pushed her away and told her that they were through now.

"Are you holding up ok Uncle?" asked Gohan.

"No…" Raditz landed on the ground with his nephew. "I feel like shit. I think I need to sit down."

"Ok." Gohan sat next to his uncle. "I hope dad gets better soon…"

"I don't." Raditz said blankly. "I may be married to him and I may be his older brother, but you can't pay me enough money in the world to wish that he'll get better or not die." Raditz looked down at his nephew. "Don't you dare give me that look! You would feel the same way if you own brother drugged your ass with something and had you marry him!"

"But he's still your brother!" insisted Gohan.

"I don't care! He still isn't the person I would have married and mated with." Raditz thought for a minute. "I would rather marry a rabbit than Kakarot. At least a rabbit is quiet and cuddly…"

"Would you marry Bulma?"

"…If she wasn't so clingy…" Raditz said boredly. Gohan looked at him in a funny way. "What?"

"So you LIKE Bulma?"

"What? No! How dare you say that?!" Raditz blushed. 'I basically said that…damn…'

"Ok! Ok! No need to get touchy!" Gohan said. Krillin came up to the two saiyans. "Krillin! There you are! Where were you? We were looking for hours!"

"Are those hickeys on your neck?"

"No!" Krillin slapped a hand on top on his neck to hid the love bites.

"Oh…my…gosh…you filthy whore! You slept with Vegeta!" Gohan and Raditz gasped.

"HOW DID YOU TWO KNOW?! YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME, HAVEN'T YOU!?"

"No…we just assumed…" Gohan said as he and his uncle scooting from the bald monk. Krillin blushed, obviously ashamed. "So…what was it like?"

"I don't know…ok I guess" Krillin looked away. "It went on for hours…"

"More like three seconds…" Raditz grunted.

"You slept with him too?" asked Gohan.

"Hell yeah I slept with that bastard." Raditz blushed. "At least my brother lasts a lot longer…"

"I thought you couldn't remember having sex with dad…" Gohan's eyes widened in horror. "Unless you slept with him while he was in the hospital." When Raditz blushed even harder, everyone gasped in horror. "AND WE WERE IN THERE?!" Raditz bit his lip. "WERE WE ASLEEP?!" Raditz got up and walked away. "OH MY GOD!"

"I wish I saw that…" Krillin mumbled before Gohan dragged him behind him.

After walking for a bit, they ran into Vegeta, making both Krillin and Raditz blush. Gohan just stood there awkwardly. After listening to seconds of awkwardness, Gohan spoke up. "Hey Vegeta."

"Hey…" Vegeta was trying to look into Raditz's eyes, but Raditz was looking over to the right.

"So…what are you doing out here?" Gohan asked.

"What?" asked Vegeta absentmindedly watching his ex-boyfriend twirling a strand of hair around his finger, which reminded him of when he had gotten a nurse outfit for Raditz, but that's another story for another day.

"I said what are you doing here." Gohan repeated.

"Hiding…" Vegeta was still watching Raditz until his eyes met Raditz's baby bump. 'Oh my god! He's carrying another man's child!'

"From what?" asked Gohan.

"Apparently I stole Frieza's dragon balls and now they're after me." Vegeta said turning away, hurt.

'I wonder if I should tell Vegeta I'm not interested." thought Krillin as the group sat down for some apparent reason other than to think.

'I wonder how Piccolo is doing…' thought Gohan.

'Vegeta wants me back. I can see it in his eyes…I wonder if he thinks I'm fat…" thought Raditz as he closed his eyes.

'Raditz looks so damn beautiful in this sunlight…but then again…when doesn't he look good?' Vegeta sighed. 'I'm probably just gonna use that bald virgin as a fuck toy for the rest of his miserable life.'


	6. Chapter 6: Problem with the Ginyu Force

To make a long ass story short, the Ginyu force showed up and of course the group didn't pay any attention to them at all. When they did, Krillin was the one to say something. "Vegeta I think those guys want you."

"When did they get here?" said Gohan somewhat bored.

"We've been here for about an hour and you're saying you didn't see the fabulous Captain Ginyu?!" Ginyu said posing and flexing with every word.

"Who the hell is that?" Krillin asked looking at the force with a tone that made him sound as if he was somewhat interested, but still couldn't care less.

"That ass hole right there." Vegeta said blankly.

"You've got some nerve Vegeta!" Ginyu growled as he danced. "Now hand over the balls or we'll take them by force!"

"Fine!" Krillin gave all of the balls to Ginyu, including the one what Vegeta had. The retarded reason, Krillin thought this would make Vegeta fall out of love with him. This action earned Krillin looks that could kill.

"Dispose of them!" Ginyu ordered still dancing.

"Yes Captain!" everyone else said.

"Damn it Krillin!" yelled Gohan.

The Ginyu force then played the classic game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" and Guldo got Gohan and Krillin, Recoome got Vegeta, Burter got a nap, and Jeice got Raditz. As they each fought each other, the only people who weren't fighting were Raditz and Jeice. Raditz was just napping and Jeice sat next to him while the others fought. Jeice smiled at how cute the saiyan was and kissed him. Raditz had expected Vegeta to be the one pulling a fast one, but when he looked up, he saw Jeice.

"Get off me you cow!" Raditz said pushing off the red mutant. "What the fuck do you want?"

"I want you!" blushed Jeice.

"Really?" Raditz blushed. For some reason he was turned on by Jeice's facial expression. Raditz moved in for a kiss. It had been so long since he had felt a loving touch and Jeice was so willing. The others were busy so it didn't really matter now…if they looked…oh well. He WANTED them to watch. "Have you ever had sex Jeice?" he asked seductively. He smirked when Jeice shook his head. He got on top on Jeice. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to sit for a week…"

Jeice passed out from Raditz's language. Raditz smirked. As if he would fuck Jeice! He wouldn't fuck Jeice even if his life was in danger! Jeice was so retarded. What man would want to fuck a man that danced like a ballerina? Well, some people would, but that just wasn't his fetish. Raditz began to play with his tail when he felt someone shove him to the ground and pulled his pants down. It was Recoome.

"Recoome get off of me!" Raditz whimpered. 'If I wasn't pregnant, I'd kick your ass!'

"No way Raditz! Not until I fuck your brains out!" Recoome then let out the most stupid laugh you've ever heard.

'Oh shit! Why isn't anybody helping me?' Raditz bit Jeice's foot, which jumped up and accidently kicked Recoome in the face. The pregnant saiyan then flew off. 'I'm getting the hell out of this mother fucker!'

Meanwhile…

"I hate being stuck in this stupid hospital!" Goku whined to Master Roshi, who was sitting in the chair beside him. "I wanna go home and fuck the fuck outta my wife…and I don't mean that skank Chichi. Did you know she's a hooker now?"

"I think you mean stripper." Master Roshi thought for a minute. "She even let me touch her boobs."

"You act as if I actually care you pedobear." Goku rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a pedophile, you jerk!"

"Yes you are! I'm pretty sure the fans of this series don't realize this, but you are. Remember when you asked to see Bulma's panties?"

**_Flash back_**

**"So you're saying that if I show you my panties, you'll give me the dragon ball?" Bulma blushed.**

**"Yep! Turtle's word." Master Roshi promised.**

**"Well if it's just my panties…" Bulma pulled up and down her gown really fast, but not before everyone saw her woman parts.**

**Master Roshi stared in shock as his nose started bleeding.**

**_End Flash back_**

"Not to mention that she flashed you a second time!" pointed out Goku. "And what about the time that she had to let you 'puff puff' her boobs!"

"Alright! Alright! I get it!" Master Roshi growled. "I can't help that Bulma looks like a slut even though there is no proof she ever slept with anybody, except maybe Yamcha."

"What's up fags." it was none other than the fat lard himself from 'Alternate DBZ', Yajirobe.

"Hey! Who let your fat ass in here?" Goku was not in the mood to see someone who reminded him somewhat of Raditz.

"Well since you wanna have an attitude with me, I guess I'll just take these senzu beans with me!" to show that he wasn't bluffing, the fat man held up a sack of senzu beans.

"Yay!" Goku threw up his hands childishly. "Steriods!"

"What?" the other two men stared at Goku.

"What? They kind of are."

After a few moments of silence, Goku snatched the bag from Yajirobe and downed most of the beans. After the stomach acids in his stomach digested them pretty fast, Goku broke out of his bonds and ran into the bathroom. Three minutes later, he came out with his gi and kicked Yajirobe in between his legs and slapped Roshi on the ass. Goku then ran to the window and yelled for his nimbus. When Nimbus had finally shown up, Goku jumped on it and flew off towards the playboy mansion aka the Bulma's house where she will never move out of. Outside watering the flowers was Mrs. Briefs.

"Hey Mrs. Briefs!" Goku waved at her until she came over. "How are ya?"

"Oh Goku! It's a pleasure to see you again!" Mrs. Brief said dropping her watering can. "Why haven't you and Chichi visited?"

"Me and that BITCH haven't visited because that BITCH nags to damn much!" Goku frowned at the mention of his other wife. "…Plus we have a son."

"A son? Oh my goodness! Congratulations Goku! You'll have to bring him over sometime to play with Scratch and eat some brownies!"

"Don't you have any grandchildren yet Mrs. Briefs?" Goku figured since there was a rumor going around that Bulma was a whore, sooner or later, she was going to get pregnant. Goku wondered if she ever was pregnant, but got abortions instead of keeping them.

"No I'm afraid not." Mrs. Briefs sighed. "I would have thought Bulma would have gotten settled in with Yamcha and would have given me lots of grandbabies."

"Well if I was your son, I would be giving you…" he then began to count on his fingers. "…six grandchildren."

"Six? Oh my!" she covered up her mouth. "Chichi's having quintuplets? You must be proud!"

"Actually…" before Goku could tell her that she was a stupider than Goten's GT girlfriend, Mr. Briefs greeted Goku with his secret cat lover, Scratch.

"Why hello Goku! What brings you here?"

"I came here to steal your ship, food, and sex toys!" Goku declared standing in a heroic postion.

"What?"

"I mean I need to get to Namek with Bulma, Krillin, Gohan, and my lovely pregnant wife because lord knows that can't fend for themselves."

"Oh yes! The ship! I've got it ready for you in the lab."

Goku did a little dance and skipped ahead of Mr. and Mrs. Briefs. When they had gotten into lab, Mr. Briefs then showed Goku the controls…not that he was listening. Goku just couldn't wait until he got his hands on Raditz. Goku smiled as he thought his older brother, the only person he actually loved. He started to wonder about the names of his sons, when Bulma's father tapped on his shoulder.

"WHAT?!"

"I was just wondering did you understand my instructions."

"Yeah…uh huh…whatever." Goku stared at all of the colorful buttons and started to push one when Scratch jumped down from his master's shoulder and bit Goku. "OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK SCRATCH?!"

Scratch just stared at Goku for a second. Goku growled at the black feline, but Scratch seemed to be unfazed by the minor threat. However when Goku was about to press another button, Scratch did what he was named for…he scratched the hell out of Goku.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Goku tossed the feline to the ground, hoping that it would break its neck in the process. As if by a miracle, Scratch was able to somehow fly back up on top of Dr. Briefs' shoulder. The saiyan just stood there in shock, then in horror that the cat might have supernatural powers, and then looked angry because Scratch was nothing but a stupid showoff. "CRAZY PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Sorry about that Goku. Scratch is just upset that I couldn't find his favorite blanket…"

'Really Mr. Briefs? Really?' Goku just rolled his eyes and waved goodbye to Dr. Briefs. Mrs. Briefs had come out and handed Goku some food to eat on his way to Namek, with she shouldn't have done because that food was going to be gone within two minutes.

Back on Namek…

When Raditz had gotten a good bit away, he ran into Bulma once more. "Aren't you supposed to be in the cave?"

"Oh Raditz! Thank kami I found you! There's a spider in the cave on the wall!" Bulma was now pulling on his arm.

He sighed. "How big was it?"

"This big!" she then spread her arms out as far as she could.

"Come on Bulma! Stop exaggerating!"

"No! Really! It's that big!"

"Fine I'll come with you."

When they got to the cave, sure enough, there was a huge ass spider on the wall. Raditz knew he could kill the spider pretty easy, but then again, his blast wouldn't hurt the spider much. Instead of wasting his time trying to kill it with a blast, he just got a rock and threw it really hard at the spider, whish died on the spot.

"Oh thank you Raditz!" Bulma tried to hug him, but couldn't because of his baby bump. The squeeze was enough to cause the babies to be startled.

"Bulma what did I tell you before?"

"Don't hug you…" Bulma said ashamed.

Raditz just stood there for a moment and looked at Bulma. Out of all the people he had to be stuck with, Bulma seemed to be the right one to talk to about Goku. "Bulma?"

"Yes Raditz?"

"Why do you think my brother picked me to be his wife when I'm his older brother? You don't think he did it because I was the least choice, right?"

"I'm pretty sure he loves you both ways!" Bulma said cheerfully. "After all, who could blame him…"

"…" Raditz just stared at her as she went inside. "Girls are weird."

Somehow, he had ended back on the ground on his back. When his vision cleared, all he saw was Jeice. All he could manage to mumble out was "Shit."

"Hey."

"Hey. Raditz growled.

"So…how are we going to do this?"

"Do wha-" suddenly Raditz remembered. "Oh that…Listen Jeice…I…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Jeice kissed him while gripping his tail tightly. Raditz lost all control of his emotions and started crying. He didn't know why he was crying when he could be beating the shit out of Jeice, but there he was…crying like a baby.

"Sh…sh…" Jeice ran his fingers through Raditz's long pretty hair. "It'll be over soon."

"Fuck…you…" Raditz managed to gasped.

"You like that don't you?" Jeice smirked as he continued to play with the pregnant saiyan's tail.

"YES!" Raditz covered up his mouth. "Oh who the fuck am I kidding? YES! YES! YES! MORE!"

"You're such a dirty little whore aren't you?" Jeice sniffed his tail. It smelled like whatever scent you wanted. "Tell me you're a dirty little whore…"

"I'm a dirty whore!" Raditz couldn't help it. He loved it when people sniffed his tail and touched it. It turned him on bad. Jeice meanwhile was enjoying the site of Raditz struggling beneath him blushing and looking sexy, even with a baggy pair of sweat pants and a really big gray t-shirt on.

"Tell me how much you need me…" Jeice said licking his tail.

"I need you so bad Jeice…please fuck me…and if you lick my tail again I'm going to murder you…just fuck…me…" Raditz begged.

"Beg me some more…"

"**_JUST_**…**_FUCK_**…**_ME_**…" Raditz said in a demon-like.

"O-okay…"

Meanwhile…

"Finally! I'm here on Namek!" Goku said standing outside of the ship. When he looked around and saw Vegeta, Gohan, and Krillin getting their asses handed to them (like always). "Where's Raditz? Oh my god! They must have raped her or ARE raping her!" Goku saw Recoome wrestling with Vegeta with Gohan and Krillin under his foot. Goku tackled Recoome and started to beat the crap out of him. "WHERE'S MY BABY MAMA!?"

"Whaaa…" Recoome said ditzy.

"YOU FUCKIN HEARD ME!" Goku started slapping Recoome across the face. "WHERE'S MY WIFE?!"

Recoome fell into a coma from Goku's shaking. The impatient saiyan then tossed the red head to the ground and jumped on top of Burter. "WHERE'S MY BABY MAMA!?"

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Burter pushed Goku off of him.

"WHERE'S MY BABY MAMA?!" Goku screamed like a little kid.

"YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE SHIT!" Burter screamed back.

"AAAAAAAAH!"

"AAAAAAAAH!"

"Guess what you bastards! I got laid!" it was Jeice with Raditz' tail in his hands and Raditz was hanging on to him as if Jeice was his pimp.

"Raditz?" Goku looked in horror.

"Jeice?" Burter gasped in shock.

"I can't believe my eyes…I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU FOR TOUCHING MY WIFE!"

"Well as long as I have her tail she's my bitch…" Jeice smirked.

"You two are aware that he is a man right?"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Goku turned to Raditz. "Raditz you have to fight this! I know when people touch your tail in a certain way it turns you on, but as your brother and husband, I command you to kill Jeice!"

Raditz was stuck between picking his brother/husband over Jeice. The only way to free himself from the mutant was to get him to lick his tail...or faint. Raditz knew he had to find something to make him do it. He blushed and whispered into his ear. Jeice fainted. Goku ran into Raditz trying to hug him, but ended up knocking his brother down.

"Oosps! Sorry love!" Goku picked up his wife, smiled, and hugged him as best he could. "I'm so glad you got raped!"

"I'm actually glad to see you too…" then Raditz stopped hugging Goku. "YOU'RE WHAT?!"

"I love you too!" Goku kissed Raditz on the nose.

"If I wasn't pregnant, I'd kick your ass…"


	7. Chapter 7: The last chapter (FINALLY!)

Goku smiled at his wife repeatedly. Raditz was annoyed at his husband and just wanted to stab him in the neck. For the next hour, Jeice was knocked out, Burter was going through Recoome's pockets, and Goku was staring into his wife's face.

"Will you just back off?" Raditz stood up. "I'm already mad at you and I don't feel like talking."

"But why?" he pouted.

"Oh geez…I don't know…MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE GLAD I GOT RAPED!" growled Raditz.

"Oh baby…I'm so sorry!" Goku smiled again. "How about I make you REALLY happy?"

Raditz's eyes widened. "You don't mean…"

"Oh yes I do…" Goku lifted up his hands and pulled up Raditz's shirt.

"Kakarrot don't you dare!" Raditz tried to wiggle away.

"It's too late!" Goku said in a sing-song voice coming closer.

"If you touch me I swear I'll…" before Raditz could respond, Goku jumped on top of him and began to tickle him. "No! No! Stop…HAHAHAHAHA! Stop it! Stop…hahahaha…it…ahahahaha!"

"Heheh! I told you I'd made you happy!" Goku began to tickle Raditz even harder.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stop hahahaha it hahahahaha!" Raditz suddenly bit Goku.

"Ouch! You bit me!" Goku whimpered holding his bitten arm.

"I told you to stop…" Raditz said getting up and rubbing his tummy.

"Are the babies okay?" Krillin asked as he was leaning on Gohan.

"Shut up Krillin." Goku said glaring at the bald monk.

"Why are you so concerned for them anyway?"

"Bulma would kill us if she knew your children died!"

"Good point." pointed out Raditz sighing.

"We'd better get you back before Bulma tries to come find us."

"Fine…and DON'T YOU EVEN TRY KAKARROT!" Raditz glared at his brother as he was preparing to do a tickle attack.

"Okay…"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?" it was Captain Ginyu. "Burter, what is going on h…GET OUT OF RECOOME'S CLOTHES! YOU MIGHT CATCH AIDS!"

"When did you get here?" Burter said as he ate a cheeseburger out of Recoome's pocket.

"Never mind that! Where's Jeice and…uh…what was his name again?"

"Are you talking about Guldo?"

"Oh yeah! Where's fatso?"

"Well Jeice is over there." Burter pointed to Jeice, who was awaking up from his coma. "And Guldo got his head cut off…not that anyone cares."

"Damn it Jeice! How many times told you not to sleep on the job?" Ginyu demanded.

"Uh…at least twice?" Jeice said scratching the back of his head.

"AT LEAST A THOUSAND TIMES!" Ginyu palm faced. "Can't you do anything right? I specifically asked you all to kill them and you dunces mess up! Do I have to do everything myself?"

"Probably…"

"Shut up Burter!"

Ginyu decided to attack Goku (duh) and pretty soon the two warriors started fighting. After a while, Ginyu thought of the most genius idea in the history of genius ideas. He would distract Goku with something and change bodies! But what could he use as a distraction? Then he saw Raditz sleeping with his head in Krillin's lap and Goku didn't seem to notice. Perfect. After confusing Goku with the old "hurt yourself to almost death" trick.

"Hey Goku! Look who's trying to pull a fast one!" Ginyu pointed to Krillin.

"What the fuck!?" Goku yelled angry insults to Krillin (who didn't seem to hear or see him since he was too busy touching Raditz silky hair) while Captain Ginyu retardly yelled "Change now!"

Before you could say "Master Roshi is a bald bastard!" Goku and Ginyu switched bodies. Goku felt like his body was on fire when he was in Ginyu's body. He gasped. What the heck was he doing in Captain Ginyu's body? Ginyu as Goku smirked at the confused warrior.

"Looks like my little plan worked…heheh…"

"You…you…you bastard! How DARE you steal my body! I want my body back you jerk!"

"No."

"Okay…" Goku pouted. "But I have one more request…"

"What?"

"I'm gonna kill Burter because he looks like a snake!"

Saying these words, Goku beat the crap out of Burter and left him to die a slow and painful death. Ginyu was a bit surprise at this action, but decided to let it pass on. He couldn't really do anything for Burter now. He wanted to enjoy the awesomeness of his new body.

"Come on Jeice! We've got a password to find!" Ginyu and Jeice flew into the distance leaving Goku to stay there and bleed. How would he explain this to Raditz? How COULD he explain it to Raditz? Going away forever seemed like a good idea if it were with Chichi. He just couldn't do it to Raditz. He needed to support his children and make them fighters, unlike Gohan who was a complete disappointment.

'Sooner or later, I'll have to meet my fate…' Goku flew over to Raditz, Krillin, and Gohan. "'Sup guys!"

"What are you doing here?" Krillin and Gohan got into fighting position.

"Guys it's me! Goku!"

"Yeah and I'm Sasuke!" Krillin said sarcastically.

"I thought you were Krillin!"

"Don't play stupid with us Ginyu!" Gohan said. "I think I know who my dad is!"

"Raditz, you know who I am right?" Goku made puppy eyes at his lover, hoping that it would cause Raditz to see into them and fall in love with him. But alas, puppy eyes on Ginyu did not look good and it caused Raditz to go into labor.

"Get away from me you freak!" he pushed Goku off of him as he cried in pain. It hurt a lot and he hoped in wouldn't have to give birth on the spot. "Ugh…"

"Oh my god!" Gohan gripped his uncle's hand as he twitched in pain. "Don't worry! We'll get you back to Bulma…Krillin give me a hand!"

Krillin did as he was told and propped up on him while Gohan did his best to comfort him. Goku was both scared and sad. What would happen if Raditz didn't make it? What if he never got out of his body back and was stuck in this old smelly one? Goku knew he couldn't let that happen to his wife and himself. He flew off to Bulma's dad's ship to get the senzu beans.

Meanwhile Krillin and Gohan had gotten about halfway (about 10 miles) from the cave when they ran into Jeice and Ginyu (in Goku's body).

"Oh hey it's Goku!" Krillin looked at Raditz's sweating face. "See Raditz? Goku's here! Now he can help you get back to Bulma!"

'Oh dear god! What did they feed her? A pig?!' thought Ginyu looking in horror.

'She looks so heavenly like that!' Jeice thought trying not to look love-struck.

"Uuuuuuuuuuugh!" Raditz responded. "It...hurts…"

"Dad, thank god you're here! We need to get Raditz back to Bulma so she can help!"

"He's not your dad!" Goku had shown up.

"Not you again!" Krillin palm faced. "Why don't you just save us the trouble and just go…"

"I can't let Raditz be claimed by someone else!" Goku got into fighting position. "I'll fight anyone who dares claims what's mine!"

"No way are we letting you have Uncle Raditz!" Gohan declared while Krillin agreed.

The three got into a huge(ish) fight and ended up beating the crap of Goku because he was in Ginyu's body. Goku knew it was no use to fight them in his body, so he did the one thing that he knew would draw attention to the fact that he WAS Son Goku (or Goku Son). He managed to knock down Krillin and Gohan at the same time and ran over to Ginyu. Using an uppercut attack, he managed to damage Ginyu while taking out Jeice slightly for some reason. Then the prince himself showed up and saw the scene unfold in front of him, but ignored it. Raditz was in pain and nobody was paying any attention to him.

"Raditz, are you okay?" Vegeta said in a voice that made you wondered if it were an angel's and not a short angry saiyan yelling at you.

"No…" Raditz said breathlessly. "I think…I'm going…into…labor…"

"SH…SH…I'm here…" he patted his ex-lover's hand.

"Is he going to make it?" asked Gohan worried.

"If we don't get this thing out of her…" Vegeta said nothing else.

"But he's having QUINTEPLETS!"

"Really?" Vegeta looked at Gohan, hoping it was just a joke. Gohan sadly shook his head. "Well go get someone! We don't have much time from the looks of it…"

"But what about dad?"

Vegeta sighed. "I'll deal with Ginyu and Kakarrot. Baldy, come here!" Krillin came over. "Watch Raditz and keep her calm. Keep her AWAY from Ginyu. Got it?"

"Yeah. I've got it."

Vegeta nodded and came into the fight. Goku frowned. 'Vegeta just wants Raditz for himself! I'll show him!' Goku did his best to fight off Vegeta, but thanks to Ginyu and Jeice helping (in a way), he was losing bad.

'Hm…that Vegeta is really stronger than I remember him…I'll just take his body instead!' Ginyu did his "body change" attack, but was stopped by Goku throwing himself in front of his attack.

"I'm back in my body!" Goku did a little happy dance.

"Fuck! Well at least I have another body to take over…" Ginyu once more did his body change.

"Hey look! A froggy!" Goku thought up a brilliant plan. "Hey Vegeta! Catch this!" Goku threw up the small frog. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the frog never made it to Vegeta, but it DID make it to Ginyu, changing him to a frog.

"DAMN IT!" Goku kicked Jeice in the face.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Shut up bitch!" Goku blasted Jeice to ashes.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Raditz cried out.

"Holy crap! Raditz!" Goku got down beside his wife. "How are you?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Raditz gestured to his stomach.

"She's in labor you bastard!" Vegeta growled at Goku.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" He continued.

"Okay okay! I'm here!" Bulma had her medicine kit and a lot of blankets and other shit.

'Oh fuck is that fish?' Vegeta and Goku thought, thinking at the same time.

"Is he alright?" Bulma asked looking at Raditz's stomach.

"AAAAAAAAAH…WHAT DO YOU THINK? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Before anyone could see the miracle of birth, Frieza popped up in his final form.

"HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPENED? THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! ISN'T THERE SUPPOSE TO BE A SCENE WHERE KRILLIN AND GOHAN HAVE THE BALLS AND…" suddenly Vegeta was zapped by Frieza.

"About time someone shut that stupid monkey up." Frieza sighed.

"Um…are we gonna fight now?" Goku offered.

"Oh yeah sure…but first I'd like to tell you a little secret."

"Oooooh! A secret! What is it? What is it?"

"I killed Krillin…"

"YOU BASTARD!" yelled Goku turned unto a super saiyan.

"What…the…fuck…"

"Dad we're back! We even wished back Pic-"

"TO HELL WITH PICCOLO!" Goku's eyes were as bright as the sun.

Everyone just stared at Goku. After Goku gave them the look they scurried away like little ants after you spray water on something they're eating. After three hours of fighting, so far Frieza and Goku had managed to wreck to planet (no surprise) and trying to bit each other.

"You know what you little monkey?"

"What?"

"This planet will blow in five minutes." Frieza smirked.

"N-no! That's impossible! NO WAY THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE! THIS PLANET ISN'T EVEN GONNA BLOW UP IN FIVE MINUTES! FROM THE LOOKS OF IT, IT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE! ACCORDING TO LOGIC, THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE! IT'LL TAKE AT LEAST FIVE TO SIX HOURS TILL THIS THING BLOWS UP!"

"Fuck you. I know how to tell time monkey."

"I'm gonna fuck your face in!"

"Bring it on then bitch!"

Frieza and Goku then fought for another five to six hours. The fight ended up with the planet blowing up and whatever the hell happened at the end of the end of the Frieza saga. But I shall tell you what happened on New Namek and what happened with Raditz, Gohan, Piccolo, and Bulma.

"Gohan we have to get out of here!" Bulma was wavering her arms franticly.

"We know that Bulma!" Gohan snapped.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Raditz continued to scream.

"We'd better get out fast!" Piccolo pointed to the window.

"HOLY SHIT!" Raditz fainted.

"We're gonna die!" Bulma started to cry. "I'm too pretty to die!"

"I was gonna be a big brother!" Gohan whimpered.

Suddenly they all popped up on a beautiful planet that smelled like cookies, but not the raisin kind. Those are just GROSS. Bulma and Gohan praised the lord and kissed the non-burning ground. Dende, meanwhile, was healing Piccolo.

"Ugh…I feel like crap…" Piccolo looked down at Dende. "'Sup."

"Hey Nail."

"I'll nail you…" Piccolo growled.

'Hey watch your mouth! That's my brother you idiot!' Nail sighed.

"Is Raditz doing okay?" Gohan sat beside his uncle.

"I don't know…are you okay Raditz?" Bulma smiled at Raditz.

"Yeah…they stopped kicking so much." Raditz sighed tiredly.

"Well don't worry. Dad is on his way."

"Really?" Gohan looked at her.

"Yep! And there he is!"

Sure enough, Dr. Briefs was in his huge ass spaceship arriving on New Namek. How did he come to Namek in that speed of time like Goku, but with a huge ship that moved as fast as a turtle on the back of a snail, we'll never know. Bulma, Piccolo, Gohan, and Raditz went into the ship and waved goodbye to the rest of the Namekian people.

"Do you wanna come with us Dende?" Gohan asked.

"Eh." Dende was eating a banana.

'Heheh…he's eating a banana!' Gohan thought pervertedly (Not a word? I don't really care).

"You're welcome to come back and wish on our balls anytime." said Dende's dad.

"Heheh…okay! We are will!" everyone laughed.

When they arrived, Raditz was worried about Goku for some reason. It wasn't that he loved him. It was that he needed some comfort doing labor and it was also the fact that he liked his since of humor. Bulma patted his hand while he was in the hospital bed.

"Don't worry Raditz. I'm pretty sure Goku will be here to see your children being born." Bulma kissed his hand. Raditz sighed and turned away from her.

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Who was that?" Bulma looked around.

"It's me. King Kai."

"What do you want?" Raditz sighed.

"Oh hi Sonic! I haven't seen ya in a while!"

"Just say what you have to say and let's get this over with." Raditz sighed once more.

"Fine. Goku isn't coming back."

"What! Why?" everyone said in unison, except Raditz.

"Oh wait…he waits to talk to Raditz."

"Heeeey Sooooniiiiiic!" Goku giggled.

"Ugh…what do you want?"

"I just wanna be there to see our children being born!"

"But you're not even here…" said Chichi crossing her arms.

"Um…Chichi…who let you near my wife?"

"I'm just as much your wife as he is!" Chichi snapped.

"Whatever you tool. Anyways, how about you get to steppin' cuz I don't want my kids to be surrounded by a skank."

"Listen here now Goku! I've agreed to take in Raditz and his children since we both share the same husband."

"Really?" everyone looked at Chichi.

She nodded. "I may be a 'no whores or incest' allowed kind of woman, but I will take care of children because it's not their fault they were born to idiots."

"Well…thanks…I guess…" Goku wasn't sure what to say next.

"Are you coming back?" asked Master Roshi.

"No."

"GOKU YOU JERK! YOU NO GOOD WELFARE BUM OF A HILLBILLY! FUCK YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE ASS! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!"

"Like I said before…I really don't care…I'll check back in later…"

5 hours later, Raditz gave birth to three baby boys and two baby girls. The one that was supposed to be dead was actually alive. For some reason, the baby's heartbeat was not able to be heard. Weird.

"Oh my goodness! They're so beautiful!" cooed Bulma holding Pan (just imagine Pan from DBGT as a baby).

"I didn't think children could be so cute!" Chichi was holding her neice Kai in her arms (Chichi and Bulma helped name them).

"Hm." Raditz was holding Takamori and Takashi in his arms, while Lunch (yeah I brought her back) was holding Akira.

"Can I hold her mom?" Gohan reached out for his little sister. Chichi nodded and gave Gohan Kai.

Indeed this was a happy day…at least…for now…

* * *

Because I know that people just LOVE descriptions of babies, I will describe all of them in order. Takamori had long black hair like Raditz and looked like his father, Goku, Takashi looked like Bardock, Kai looked like Bulla except with black hair and black eyes, and Pan looked like Pan as you can tell by her name.

That is the end of the Frieza saga. Sorry that's it was so short. I've only watched some parts of the saga, so it was crappy in the story line. Coming soon is the Android Saga, but first the History of Trunks! So my viewers will not be confused, the History of Trunks and the Cell Saga will be included inside the Android Saga since I consider it all to be tied in together. By the way, when I do the Buu saga (which comes after the Cell saga), I will NOT watch the "Saiyaman saga" because I don't think I would like to spend my time watching it, but I will do my own "Saiyaman saga". Remember, review!


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